💙 The Comparison Game
Ever since I can remember,
Since I was a small little girl, I felt like I was looking at everyone else and comparing myself. I even used to look at people 5, 10, or even 15 years my senior and compare myself.
Imagine the gap!
My first memory is when I was four or five years old. Cute, small little girl; very white-blonde hair, big blue eyes, looking up at these big adults wishing I were big, thinking to myself, “I should be smarter. I should be bigger. I should be this. I should be that.”
As I grew into my teenage years, the comparison game for me looked a little like:
“I wish I was skinnier.”
“I wish I was prettier.”
“I should look like her.”
I didn’t come from an affluent family, so it also sounded a little like:
“I wish we had more money.”
“I wish we had a bigger house.”
“I wish we had a better car.”
“I wish I had better clothes.”
For what seems like forever, I can remember thinking to myself:
“I should, I should, I should,” or compare myself to somebody who I perceived was thinner than me, or prettier, or wealthier, or someone who had a stronger family unit, or a better job—and thinking “I just wasn’t good enough” next to that.
Now, in my 40s, I’ll be honest—I have the comparison game a little more mastered.
I don’t compare myself as much—but every once in a while, I look at that one person doing the work that I want to be doing, who’s as successful as I want to be, who’s impacting people as much as I want to be impacting people, and I think, “I wish I were there.”
Often, I have to stop myself and take a moment and be grateful for everything I have and everything I am and everyone that is in my life and remember that this “shoulding” on myself is keeping me small and robbing me of my joy.
My job is not to compare myself!
My job is to be in the present moment, love my life, to believe in myself and take the next action step to accomplishing the dreams I want.
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