💙 Stop Pretending

I was pretending…

There have been times in my life when I pretended I was confident.

BEING CONFIDENT

I’ve been talking a lot about confidence lately—and what I want to focus on is:

The way to get confidence is not to pretend that you have it.

When you pretend to be confident and you are actually anxious or nervous, you can show up as arrogant, cocky, or even ignorant. And when you show up that way; when you’re pretending to be confident and you actually are not, it creates tension and division within you and the other person (or group of people) you are in a relationship with, or with people that you’re presenting to.

I believe that when you pretend to be confident, you cannot create partnership. It is harder to collaborate, challenging to gain empathy or to show empathy, and it’s harder to gain compassion or to have compassion. Basically, it’s almost impossible to create a strong human-to-human connection.

I believe pretending to be confident has 3 main consequences:

  • People may be left feeling irritated by you and not sure why. They feel you rubbed them the wrong way.

  • You may feel exhausted from the energetic tug-of-war.

  • Energy is not focused on your goals, so you may not achieve your goals.

If you’ve been pretending to be confident for a long time when you are really not, and you want to start showing up more confidently, the best thing to do is to start telling the truth more—starting with yourself.

ASK YOURSELF:

  • Where am I not confident, and where am I pretending to be confident?

  • Who is the person or the people I need to talk to and tell them what I am feeling?

  • What help and support do I need to ask for?

In my perspective and experience, when you are honest about your actual feelings and share the fact that you might be nervous or not as confident as you wish you would be—the other person that you’re in a relationship with, or the group of people that you’re presenting to are much more likely to soften. There is more opportunity to open and they will be much more empathetic and compassionate with you.

I believe being honest makes it easier for you to create human connection—one that is fostered on trust, collaboration, vulnerability, and intimacy. These are the ingredients required for creating strong relationships—in business and in life.

Be courageous, that’s confidence.
— Sophie B.
 
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